


i'm sweatin' out excuses that would make your stomach turn

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Of sorts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Liam/Louis Spring Fic Exchange, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 00:45:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3916912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Do you love her?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Liam shrugs again, “I don’t think so.” He says. “I used to think I did, but I think she was just a placeholder until I could –” He stops then, shakes his head and sighs. “I thought things would change if we got married, or something. I didn’t think she’d leave me.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He thinks he knows what Liam was going to say before he stopped himself. He’s afraid to think that he might be right about it. He’s afraid to think that Liam’s still hurting about something that happened long before Sophia was in the picture.</i>
</p><p>(or: Liam and Sophia break up, bringing up some of Louis' old feelings that he thought he'd left buried when they were teenagers. Plus, he's with Eleanor now, making everything infinitely more complicated.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm sweatin' out excuses that would make your stomach turn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [glazedsun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/glazedsun/gifts).



> **To my recipient** : I made a few adjustments to your prompt and took a few liberties, but I tried to stick close enough to the general idea so it wouldn't be a big deal. I really, really hope you like this. I tried my very best!
> 
>  **Disclaimer** : I love Sophiam, like more than my own mom and dad. I don't know why I did this. Ouch.
> 
>  **Additional tags** : Implied/referenced cheating but it's not among Lilo or Elounor. The typical sex tags that you'd expect - anal sex, blowjobs, all the good stuff, etc. There's a spot of het smut thrown in here if that's something you don't dig.
> 
> Title from _MFEO Pt. 1 - Made for Each Other_ by Jack's Mannequin. I hope no one hates this. If you do, don't tell me.

It’s nearing 6 pm on a Friday evening when he gets the call. He’s in the middle of his Metaphysics class when Niall’s name pops up on his phone screen, and Niall knows he’s in class and knows how much this class is fucking him up. He excuses himself and steps out into the hallway anyway. Fucking Niall.

“What do you want, man? I’m in class.” Louis snaps. Hopefully no one’s dying, but if it’s interrupting this class, someone bloody well better be dying.

“Liam really needs you, man.” Niall replies, speaking much softer than usual. A normal volume for a normal person, a hushed whisper for Niall. “We had plans for today, but when I came ‘round to pick him up he was just in bed.”

“What happened to him?” Louis questions, wondering how this could possibly be awful enough to drag him out of class. “I really need to be in class right now. Can’t this wait?”

“Do you think I’d be calling if I knew what happened to him?” Niall snaps, raising his voice, which is actually incredibly frightening when it’s Niall. Niall may be loud but he’s never angry, barely ever even annoyed. Louis hears it, then, and it breaks his heart. Liam makes a pathetic little whine in the background, barely noticeable but that was surely it, and he supposes that this really couldn’t wait. “Can you just come, please? I’m really worried about him and he’ll talk to you. He won’t even look at me.”

“Do you want to reimburse me for this class if I tank it?”

“It’s only grad school, mate, it doesn’t even matter.” Niall says, as he always says when Louis gets to complaining about classes. It’s easy for Niall to say when his Bachelor’s in Computer Science gets him everywhere, whereas a Bachelor’s in Philosophy gets Louis absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.

“If I ever want to teach at uni, it does.” Louis says. He’s sick of reminding everyone of that. He’s forgotten why Niall’s even called.

“Can you just get here?” Niall says, and right, it’s about Liam. Louis’ never heard Niall this annoyed before. It’s not very fun for him. “If you care about Liam at all. Unless you don’t.”

“I suppose I do, but not as much as I care about my degree.” Louis says.

The line goes dead and he supposes he deserves that. He probably should have tacked a “just kidding” onto the end like he’d meant to. He does care about Liam, more than he cares about himself. He supposes his life won’t fall apart if he pisses one class. He gathers his things.

*

The second he enters Liam’s flat and tries to speak, he’s met with a clip round the ear from Niall, paired with a “Shut up, mate. Don’t be too loud or you’ll upset him.”

“I thought he was already upset.” Louis comments, and he’s met with another smack and he’ll surely be sporting a pretty awful migraine by the time he gets out of here tonight. “Sorry, sorry.”

At the door to Liam’s bedroom, he sees something a lot worse than what he had expected and he wishes that Niall had thought to warn him of this. It’s nearly pitch black, not even a bedside lamp on. The shades drawn, presumably to protect Liam from the sun that was shining bright just outside a few hours ago. Liam is curled in a ball on the very edge of the bed, wrapped in his blankets, clutching something to his chest. He’s not making any noise but he’s shaking and Louis is almost afraid to get too close.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Niall says, clapping Louis on the shoulder and walking away. “Come get me if you need me.”

As Louis perches gently next to where Liam’s curled, he can really see it. He can see how Liam’s face is stained red and blotchy from crying, and he can feel the bed shaking with every shiver sent through Liam’s body. He reaches out to place a hand on Liam’s shoulder and he’s met with a flinch, which is scary. Liam’s never reacted this way to him before. “It’s just me, babe. It’s all right.” Louis says gently. “Do you feel like telling me what happened?”

He’s met with a whine, then a sniffle, then a shrug. Liam starts shaking again but the ball he’s curled into loosens a bit. Louis catches a glimpse of what Liam is clutching to so desperately and his breath catches. It’s crumpled but the beautiful, delicate writing on the page is unmistakable and he doesn’t know if he really wants to know what it says – feels like that may be something that’s just for Liam, feels like he’d be intruding, but feels like he might need to see it in order to help him out.

“Hey, Payno.” He says, sliding down to the floor at Liam’s bedside so they can meet eyes. Or, they would meet eyes if Liam’s weren’t shut tightly and desperately, like he’s afraid to look, eyelashes sticking together wetly with his tears. “Do you want to let me see that? Do you think it help if I read it?”

Another sniffle. Another shrug. Liam hands the page over easily and opens his eyes. They’re just as red as Louis had assumed they’d be and it’s painful to look at. Louis takes the time to flatten out the sheet and Liam flinches again as Louis flicks on the bedside lamp. There are a few small rips from the tight clutch he’d had on the page but the words written are still clear as day.

_I’m so sorry I had to do it this way, Li. I couldn’t figure out how to tell you face to face. I’ve been seeing a guy from work and I’ll be living with him now. We’ll be in Spain for a few weeks so you shouldn’t try to get in touch. Best wishes. Xx Soph_

Louis’ fist balls up instinctively which gives the paper another rip, but he’s decided that it deserves it. He doesn’t really get it – how you can be with someone for so long and end a half-assed “goodbye I’ve been cheating on you” with _best wishes_. He feels so responsible for it all. He let Eleanor set the two up all those years ago, and it seemed so perfect, and it was until now. Until he sees his best mate curled up in bed in the pitch dark, speechless and broken over a betrayal.

“When did this happen?” He asks, and he’s hoping for more but expecting just a shrug.

He gets the shrug, but seconds later comes something much worse. It starts with the wracking sobs that sound like they hurt, the ones that have Louis frantically pulling Liam into an upright position to hold him tight and whisper reassurances of _I’m right here_ and _everything will be okay_. He hasn’t heard Liam cry like this since they were little kids at the playground and Liam fell off the swing set, cut his knee wide open and Louis thought the tears would never stop.

This, though, is something entirely different.

All the painful and horrifying sobs couldn’t have prepared Louis for what he was about to hear. The sobs slow down until they come to an eventual stop and Liam is just gasping wetly into Louis’ neck, tears drying on his skin. “Why doesn’t she love me, Lou?” Liam says, so quietly he could have missed it if he wasn’t listening so closely for something to rip his heart from his chest.

It’s not the first time Liam has asked that question, but it’s the first time it’s been asked so sincerely. It’s the first time it’s broken Louis’ heart. He’s used to the joking “Why doesn’t she love me, man?” after Sophia’s bought him a shirt he hates or busted all his cigarettes for the hundredth time. He’s not used to this – Liam being vulnerable and heartbroken and wanting to know why the girl he loves doesn’t love him back.

Louis would normally shrug it off with a “She does love you, you idiot.” because he honestly thought that she did love Liam. They all thought so. He doesn’t know what to say to this, though, not when nothing he could possibly say would make this any better.

“I was gonna ask her to marry me, you know.” Liam says. “We decided we’d wait to get engaged until her internship turned into an actual job, and she got the news yesterday and –” He breaks off into a sob again and it physically pains Louis to hear it, but he just wraps his arms tighter around Liam and waits for him to calm down and continue. “I don’t even know if I wanted to marry her. She wasn’t really nice to me, most of the time. I thought it might turn around if we got married.”

And that’s Liam in a nutshell, really. Always trying to make everyone happy, always trying to make everything work, and always putting himself last. Louis can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to decide you’re going marry someone without knowing if you actually want to, if you’ll be happy, if you really even love them. “Do you love her?”

Liam shrugs again, “I don’t think so.” He says. “I used to think I did, but I think she was just a placeholder until I could –” He stops then, shakes his head and sighs. “I thought things would change if we got married, or something. I didn’t think she’d leave me.”

He thinks he knows what Liam was going to say before he stopped himself. He’s afraid to think that he might be right about it. He’s afraid to think that Liam’s still hurting about something that happened long before Sophia was in the picture.

“You know it doesn’t work like that, Li.” He says, in place of asking Liam to continue his thought. It breaks his heart to tell Liam that everything he’s been trying so hard for isn’t realistic. It makes him wonder when Liam started to feel this way and it hurts to think that it may have been a really long time. It breaks his heart to think that Liam may have been suffering for so long with her and bottling it all up.

“Yeah, I know.” Liam says, pulling back and wiping his eyes with a sniffle, and it hurts so much to see Liam this way, so confused and broken. Liam has never looked small to him before and it’s completely unfamiliar and unbelievably scary. “I know, Lou. I just thought it might be different.”

“I’ll get you a cup of tea.” Louis says, because that’s the only way he really knows how to comfort people. He can make tea and give hugs and that might be all.

“Please don’t leave me.” Liam begs, eyebrows furrowed and hand reaching out desperately for Louis. Louis’ heart breaks a bit more, as if that were even possible.

“I’ll be right down the hall.” Louis replies, placing a kiss to Liam’s temple. “I’ll send Niall in, okay?”

*

“Did you know about this?” Louis snaps when the ringing stops, not even giving her a chance for a hello.

“Um, hello to you too, babe.” Eleanor says. “Did I know about what?”

“Sophia left Liam.” He says, as if it’s obvious, as if there’s no way she didn’t know. “She fucking abandoned him, ran off with some bloke from work. Did you know she was cheating on him?”

“She did what?” She says, sounding genuinely surprised. Louis isn’t so sure he’s buying it. “She told me it wasn’t serious with Pete, I didn’t know she’d actually leave Liam.”

“So you did know.” He responds, feeling livid now. “You knew that she was cheating on Liam and you just let him fucking suffer.”

“She’s my best friend and it wasn’t my place!” She snaps back, getting defensive. “What was I supposed to do? I didn’t know she was really going to leave him.”

“She may be your best friend but he’s mine.” He says, now focusing not on his anger, but just trying to get Eleanor to understand. “You should have done the right thing and said something, because now he’s all fucked up because she blind-sided him. He wouldn’t have to be if you’d just said something.”

“Don’t put this all on me, Lou.” She says, sounding dejected and remorseful. “I was just trying to do right by my friend. I didn’t think that this would happen.”

“I’m not putting this all on you, but you need to remember that Liam is your friend too.” He reminds her. “He’s been your friend since we were little kids, El. Sophia isn’t the only one you need to do right by.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to fuck anything up but I can’t change it now.”

“I know.” He replies, feeling a bit guilty but not enough to actually say he’s sorry. “Look, I’ll probably be home late tonight. I’m gonna stay here with Liam for a while.”

“All right. I love you.” Eleanor sighs. “Tell Liam I hope he feels better.”

“Yeah.” He says before hanging up. He knows that he shouldn’t logically be this angry with her, but he can’t seem to look past it. He can’t ignore the fact that Liam’s heartbreak could have been avoided, if even just a little bit, if Eleanor had spoken up. At least he wouldn’t have been so blind-sided. He switches his phone off and puts the kettle on, determined to only focus on Liam for the rest of the night.

*

He manages to get Liam to sit mostly upright to drink his tea, which is definitely a vast improvement to the fetal position he was in when Louis had first arrived.

He switches on the telly – doesn’t bother to flip channels and find something worth watching, because it only serves as background noise for their conversation. Louis fills Niall in on the situation, since Liam apparently didn’t speak at all for the entire time that Louis was out of the room.

A sympathetic look washes over Niall’s face and Louis is sure that Liam will be sick of that in no time, but he doesn’t say anything. Liam’s shoulders slump and he looks dejected, and Louis’ heart continues to break for him.

Ultimately, Louis decides to pop in The Dark Knight Rises, figuring it’s his best bet on cheering Liam up. It seems to work for a while, made even better when he dozes off on Louis’ shoulder halfway through.

Niall eventually takes the golden opportunity to head home – while his Computer Science degree gets him a lot of great things, it also gets him horrific hours. 6 am on a Saturday morning and all. Louis thinks about taking off, too, but one look at Liam’s relaxed face still resting on Louis’ shoulder and he decides against it. He can only hope he wakes up soon, though, before Eleanor starts to worry.

It’s another hour or so, menu screen still up because the remote’s too far, when Liam’s eyes blink open and he’s stretching his arms above his head with a yawn.

“How long was I asleep?” he asks, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

“A couple of hours.” Louis replies. “Couldn’t bear to wake you, or leave before saying goodbye.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Liam says, leaning his head back onto Louis’ shoulder. Okay. “Could you stay tonight?”

He maybe should have seen it coming that Liam doesn’t want to be on his own tonight. He also told Eleanor that he’d be home, but he can’t just leave Liam in this state. He can’t do that to his best mate.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” He says. “I’ll go make up the couch and let Eleanor know.”

“No, no, no.” Liam says when Louis makes to get up, stopping him with a hand on the wrist. “Can you please stay with me in here? I really don’t want to sleep alone.”

“Yeah, ‘course.” He sighs. He can’t say no to Liam. He’s tried but has never been able to say no to those big, brown puppy dog eyes without sharp pangs of guilt since primary school. “Of course I will, Li.”

He takes his phone out of his pocket and powers it back on, then kicks off his trousers and socks. After typing out a quick _“staying with liam tonight. see you in the morning love xx”_ to Eleanor,he lays back down next to Liam. The gentle hand on Liam’s lower back when Liam cuddles into his side is instinctive, and the kiss he places to the top of Liam’s head might be, too.

Liam angles his head to look up at Louis, and with the most genuine tone, “Thanks for staying with me.”

“I’m happy to do it, Payno.” He replies, because he really is. If Liam’s happy then Louis has no complaints in the world. As an afterthought, “Love you.”

Liam doesn’t reply, just wraps his arms tighter around Louis and Louis hears his soft snores moments later. That’s enough for him.

*

“Thought you quit.” Louis says as he’s stumbling out onto the balcony past 4 am. He was awoken by an uncomfortably cool breeze setting off goose pimples on his bare skin. The first thing he saw upon his exit was Liam, leaning against the railing with shaking hands with his lips wrapped around a cigarette, 5 stubbed out Marlboros at his feet. It’s not something he’s used to seeing anymore, not since Liam quit for good last year.

He has no room to talk. Been smoking a pack a day since he was 14, but Liam was so proud of himself when he finally quit. This isn’t something he’s all right with seeing anymore.

“I did, for a while.” Liam says through an exhale of smoke. “Nothing seems to stick, though. Quitting didn’t stick. Soph didn’t stick.”

“C’mon mate, give me that. You don’t want to be smoking that.” Louis says, taking the cigarette from Liam, and Liam hands it over easily. Liam doesn’t need it but Louis certainly does – he did have an unpleasant wake up at 4 in the morning on a Saturday, after all. “Where did you even get these?”

“Soph’s knicker drawer.” Liam says, the shake in his hands still apparent but a bit less violent. Louis wonders if it has anything to do with him being here. “She always kept a few packs in there and took them with her when she went out to the clubs. Forgot ‘em when she left.”

“You’re gonna need to stay out of her drawers.” Louis sighs. He doesn’t feel like he should have to say it, but he also doesn’t know what it’s like to be left, to be abandoned. He’s only ever been with Eleanor. “That’s not going to help you any.”

“They’re my fucking drawers.” Liam snaps, taking another cigarette out of the pack and lighting it up as Louis continues taking drags off the old one. He’s not going to bother stopping him. “I bought the fucking drawers, I’ll go in them if I want to fucking go in them.”

Louis sighs again. He hates to say that he preferred the Liam he had earlier, sad and vulnerable and nice and quiet. It was much better than the angry one he’s got now, especially now that the anger is directed towards him. “Then put your things in the drawer and make them your drawers again, but you and I both know that going through her shit isn’t doing you any good.”

“Whatever, I’m going back to bed. Don’t freeze.” Liam says, stubbing out the barely-smoked cigarette on balcony floor. “Or do, I don’t give a shit, I’m not going to tell you what to do with your fucking life.” He’s then slamming the sliding door shut so hard that Louis is afraid the glass might break. He thinks about going back inside, because he might actually freeze to death if he stays out here much longer, a winter-type of cold outside despite the fact that it’s the middle of May. He doesn’t know if he’s allowed back in. Instead, he stubs out his cigarette and sits down in one of the terribly uncomfortable chairs Liam has out here. He doesn’t know why he can’t just get some new ones. He allows himself to drift off, hoping he doesn’t freeze to death in his sleep. Liam may have told him to but something tells him he wouldn’t be happy to find Louis frozen to death in the morning.

*

He wakes up again, sometime later when it’s fully light outside and much warmer, but he’s still chilled to the bone. “Hey, why are you sleeping out here?” Liam asks, a comforting hand through Louis’ hair _._ He’s pulling the other chair up close to the one Louis’ been sleeping in. “You’re freezing.”

“You told me to freeze then you slammed the door on me.” Louis says. He really shouldn’t have to be telling Liam this. He’s sure Liam remembers it. “I didn’t know if I was allowed to come back inside.”

“Oh, God.” Liam says, as if this is actually news to him. As if he was so angry and upset and tired that he actually blocked it out. “I’m sorry. I was so tired. And I just wanted you to support me, not fucking—not lecture me. Shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right.” Louis says. He supposes it’s not _all_ Liam’s fault. “I was just trying to help you out, but I was being a bit of a twat about it. If you want to go through Sophia’s drawers, you can do it. You can do whatever you want to do.”

“Nah, you were right. It was stupid.” Liam says. “They’re mostly empty, anyway. It was just the cigs.”

“Can I at least come back inside? It’s bitter fucking cold out here.” Louis laughs.

“You could have come in 8 hours ago.” Liam says. Maybe he should have told Louis that 8 hours ago. “You can have those cigarettes, too, I don’t want them.”

Louis grabs the pack and shuffles back inside, wishing he’d thought to pull on some socks or trousers before he came outside earlier.

He pulls his jeans, socks, and shoes on once he’s inside, hours and hours late for it to matter or do much of anything. His legs are going to fall off. Liam’s then turning to him and pulling Louis into a hug, and he immediately wraps his arms around Liam, too, a grip that’s tighter than the one Liam’s got.

“I’m sorry I’m being so awful.” Liam says, burying his face into Louis’ neck. “You’re the only person who’s ever really mattered to me. I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

 _You’re the only person who’s ever really mattered to me._ He hates how it makes his stomach swoop and he hates how good it feels. He hates how natural it feels to hold Liam like this, with Liam’s face buried in his neck. He hates how he thinks it might feel natural to bring Liam’s face level with his and press their lips together. He hates that he has Eleanor but as soon as Liam’s vulnerable, all these feelings and memories he thought he’d buried when they were teenagers come rushing back. He hates how he feels like he shouldn’t matter to Liam at all. He hates how he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t, not after everything he’s done.

The way they were rutting together desperately, getting each other off on top of the sheets on Liam’s bed on that summer night before the start of school when they were only 16 and 17. The way that Liam was so shy about it, trying to hide that he was gazing at Louis until it backfired and he lost the video game they were playing. The way he stared at Louis’ lips for way too long until he brought their mouths together, so hesitant until Louis got his mind right and kissed him back. The gentleness of Liam’s hands on his tummy, even gentler on his cock, his mouth sucking a bruise into the curve of his clavicle. The memory of how right and natural it all felt, how Louis thought he’d be ready to tell everyone _I like boys, too_ and be with Liam properly like he always knew he was meant to.

He was going to tell people, he was going to tell everybody and he was so sure about it, until he got scared. Avoided the topic with Liam for months on end then showed up to school one day with Eleanor’s hand in his. He can still vividly see the completely devastated look on Liam’s face when he saw them, and his forced smile immediately replacing it as he tried to be happy for his two best mates. It’s burned into Louis’ memory still, that he was the first person to ever truly break Liam’s heart.

He hates to think of it as using her. She was their best friend before everything and he did fall in love with her along the way – he really, really does love her. It’s exactly what he was doing. He was using her to avoid this thing he had with Liam that he knew in his heart was right for him. He told himself those 8 long years ago that he’d get around to it someday, that he’d get up the courage to be with Liam like he should be. But now it’s been so long and he doesn’t know if it’s too late and he thinks that he’s meant to be with Eleanor, too, now.

“Are you okay?” Liam asks with quick snaps of his fingers, breaking into Louis’ thoughts, seeming to have noticed that he’d gone to another place for a bit. “You’ve been staring into the distance for a while.”

“Yeah, mate, I’m good.” He says, snapping himself out of it. It’s not like he’s questioning every decision he’s ever made in his life at this very moment. “Don’t you have to be at work soon?”

“I’ve got to be at the bar at 1, yeah.”

“So you’ll be okay if I head home, right?” Louis asks, feeling guilty about leaving but knowing that it’s not a big deal – that Liam has to be at work in less than 45 minutes anyway. “El’s probably worried.”

Liam nods, taking a deep breath in and out. “Thanks for staying.”

“Anytime.” Louis says. Even though he was locked outside in the cold for 6 hours, he was glad to do it. And he’d do it again if that’s what Liam needed to feel happy. “I’ll come by tomorrow, okay? Promise.”

“You don’t have to check up on me.” Liam laughs. “But that would be nice. Really nice, thanks.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Louis says. He ruffles Liam’s hair, and as an afterthought, places a kiss to Liam’s cheek and lets it linger for a bit. “Love you.”

*

“Hiyaaaa.” Eleanor says from her place on the sofa when Louis walks through the door of their flat. She’s beaming up at him with that same bright, beautiful smile that he fell in love with. “How’s Liam doing?”

“Hiya, love. He’s doing a bit better today.” Louis says, leaning over the sofa to give her a kiss. “Are you hungry at all? I brought burgers.”

“I ate already, actually.” Eleanor says, patting the spot next to her for Louis to sit down. He puts the burgers down on the table and his instincts kick in, slinging his arm around her shoulder and burying his face in her neck. He places little kisses there, breathing in her smell, trying to forget everything that’s been coming back over the past 20 hours. “I’ll eat the burger anyway, though.”

They eat in relative silence, Eleanor tucked up close to Louis’ side. “I wanted to apologize for how I acted last night.” Louis says once they’ve finished eating, putting the containers back down on the coffee table.

“No, no, you don’t have to apologize.” Eleanor replies, turning closer into Louis’ side. “You were right, okay? I should have told Liam what was going on. It wasn’t right of me to keep that a secret.”

“I shouldn’t have blamed you.” Louis says. “I don’t agree that it wasn’t your place to tell Liam what was going on but it wasn’t my place to get pissed at you for it, either.”

“Liam deserves to be looked after.” Eleanor says, moving to straddle Louis’ lap and placing kisses all along his collarbone. He hates the way the action reminds him of Liam. “I love how much you love him.”

He really doesn’t have the time for this right now. He doesn’t have the time for her to be talking about Liam when they’re probably about to get off, turning all of his feelings into a whirlwind in his mind and his heart.

“We don’t have to talk right now.” Louis says. He needs to stop her from saying anything remotely about Liam, forever is preferable. He moves his hands under her shirt, thumb stroking the warm skin just above the waistband of her jeans. “Want to show you how sorry I am, love. That all right?”

“More than all right, darling.” Eleanor says, placing her delicate hands on either side of his face and bringing their lips together again. This is Louis’ favorite type of distraction, and luckily for him, it kills two birds with one stone this time.

She pulls back to take her top off and unhook her bra, which he takes as an opportunity to flip them over. Her flat on the couch and him hovering over her, which is just lovely, really. This is his favorite part of it all – looking down at her, this beautiful girl that’s all his, the long stretches of smooth, tanned skin spanning her entire body. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky. He doesn’t know how he’s managed to get her to stay with him for 8 years, and all of a sudden that guilt is straight back, gnawing at his insides because he still feels like there’s a bit of something missing.

“Christ, you’re perfect.” Louis says as a placeholder for all the jumbled thoughts that are swirling around in his brain and making him feel like a right twat. “Fuck, El, I can’t bloody believe it.”

He buries his face in the curve of her neck, vise grip on her hip as if everything will fall apart if he dares to let go. He hears the giggles escaping through her lips and nips at her shoulder. “Can’t believe what?”

“That I get to do this.” Louis says, smirking up at her as he’s popping open the button on her jeans and sliding his hand down the front of her panties. “Bloody amazing.”

He’s started playing with her clit – teasing little flicks with his middle finger and her breathing’s picked up beautifully. He can feel puffs of air through his hair where his face is buried in her chest, sucking a bruise right next to her nipple and it’s so lovely, this. It’s so lovely how even when he’s terrified of wrecking everything because he can’t understand his own mind, this part still comes so natural to him. It has for the past 8 years and it probably always will with this girl. He can let himself get lost in it like there’s no one else in the world but the two of them.

“God, Lou.” Eleanor gasps, sounds like she’s really struggling with her words. “Oh, god, Lou, please.”

“What do you want, love?” Louis asks her as he’s sliding two fingers deep into her cunt, moving his thumb to her clit, and reveling in the gasp he gets in return. He’s not sure who enjoys this part more, if he’s honest – she’s the one getting the pleasure but the sounds she’s making are music to his ears, knowing he’s doing everything right and he gets _this_ all the time. Sometimes that feels so much better to him than any mouth on his dick ever could. “My mouth?”

“Just – God, Lou, I need you so bad.” Eleanor says, her gasps and moans coming out quicker as he curves his fingers just right, presses his thumb down just right. He whispers a _you’ve got me_ and she rolls her eyes, as per usual. He knows she’s getting impatient, that every once in a while she just needs to get fucked and needs him to get on with it, but he also knows she secretly loves the tease. Loves when Louis holds out on her, makes her wait until he has her begging for it.

“Tell me what you need. You need my mouth?” Louis teases, knowing exactly what she wants but needing to hear her say it. She’s shaking her head furiously, biting her lip to stifle her moans as he rubs his fingers over that perfect spot again and again and again. “You need my cock, love?”

“Please.” Eleanor gasps, quieter than they were before but more frantic as she gets closer. She rolls her hips down hard onto Louis’ hand, desperately chasing her orgasm but not wanting to get to that point until he’s inside of her. “I need it, Lou. Give it to me, please.”

“You sure about that?” Louis asks, picking up the pace of his fingers and adding pressure on his thumb to her clit. “You sure you don’t want to me to get you off just like this?”

“I don’t know.” Eleanor says, as if she’s feeling a bit conflicted. Like she wants him inside her but also wants this, right now. He wants to see it. She comes with a shout moments later, back arching beautifully off the couch and this is almost better – an orgasm like this is something he almost never gets from her when they’re just fucking, because the attention is what gets Eleanor off most of all. She just loves when all the attention being only on her, when the only thing that matters is her feeling good.

He’s pulling his jeans down, then, jerking himself off quickly and coming over his fist and a bit on her soft tummy just the way she likes. Giving himself a few seconds to cool off before getting a wet flannel to clean her off, then pulling her into his arms for a kip on the couch.

*

After an incredibly long night’s sleep, his guilt has only heightened when he wakes up the next morning, as if that was even possible. He didn’t think it would be.

He’s meant to go to Liam’s today, he had promised, but he’s terrified of what that might bring. He can’t afford to have these feelings come up right now, not when he’s trying his hardest to hold himself and his relationship together.

He really wishes he didn’t have to choose between being a shit mate and a shit boyfriend, especially when Liam’s emotions are hanging by a thread. His relationship with Eleanor is hanging by a thread, too, and she’s not even aware of it. Louis just needs so desperately to stop anything terrible from happening.

He grabs his phone and types out a quick text to Harry asking if he’ll pop ‘round Liam’s instead. He’s expecting a definite _of course_ and possibly a bit of a guilt trip, too. Harry’s sense of empathy is a bit outrageous, so he may be even more torn up about this than Liam himself.

He’s nearly shaking with guilt by the time he sets his phone back down on the nightstand and rolls over to wrap his body around Eleanor’s again.

“Morning, love.” Louis whispers, though it’s nearly noon, pressing little kisses to the curve of her neck.

Eleanor stretches a bit, then relaxes back into Louis’ embrace. “Hiya.” She says through a yawn, moving her head back a bit to grant Louis more access. “You going over to Liam’s today then?”

“Erm, no. He got called into work, actually.” He lies. “I’ll just stay here with you if you’re not busy. Do you want some breakfast?”

“Mmmm, think I’ll kip for a bit longer.” She says through another yawn, closing her eyes and squeezing her hands around Louis’, then giggling as she adds “But I’ll be up for eggs on toast in half an hour.”

*

Eleanor shows up just as he’s sliding their food onto plates. She’s in nothing but panties and a t-shirt of Louis’ that hasn’t fit him since year 12. “Hiya.” She says, with that beautiful smile of hers.

“Hi, love.” He says, sliding her plate over the island.

“Did you burn the toast again?” She asks him teasingly. “Are the yolks broken?”

“No.” He says defensively. “I made you a wonderful breakfast while you were sleeping, and if you’re going to bully me, then I can eat it all on my own.”

“Only joking, love.” She giggles, taking a bite of her toast. “It looks lovely – toast is only a little burnt.”

He rolls his eyes and sighs, “I did break a yolk, actually. I put it on my plate instead.”

“Of course you did.” She says, patting the stool next to hers for Louis to sit. “So Liam’s really got to work today? The poor baby.”

“I reckon if he told his boss what had happened, they’d let him have some time off.” Louis says, nearly ashamed of his lies but not being able to stop himself.

“Yeah but Liam would never do that.” Eleanor says, and she’s definitely right about that. “You know what he’s like, Mr. Dependable.”

It’s so true. Liam’s the most dependable person he knows, has always been around for Louis no matter what. Even when Louis has been such a shit friend so many times through all the years they’ve known each other, Liam’s always stuck around, always given Louis a shoulder to lean on when he’s needed him. It hurts so much to think about, now especially, when Liam’s going through one of the toughest times of his life and Louis’ not there for him at all.

He needs to get out. He needs to get himself away from everything he’s been doing wrong for the past couple days, needs to stop himself from thinking about everything he’s screwing up.

“I’m going to take a shower.” He says, finishing his breakfast quickly and sliding his plate away.

*

He stands under the stream until the water runs cold, and a while after, until he’s shivering to his bones.

When he steps out of the en suite, though, Eleanor is sat cross-legged in the middle of their bed with Louis’ phone in her hands, staring blankly at the wall ahead of her.

“All right, love?” He asks, knowing that the answer probably won’t be the one he wants to hear.

“What’s going on?” She asks, and when she looks over at him, he can see that her eyes are a bit bloodshot. Like she’s been crying, almost, and he didn’t realize he was in the shower long enough for something this upsetting to happen.

“What do you mean?” He asks. He honestly can’t imagine what could possibly be happening, but with his phone in her hands, he knows he’s the cause of it. And that’s not all right.

“Liam’s called.” She says, looking down at her lap and turning the phone over and over again in her hands. “I figured I’d answer and see if he’s doing any better. It turns out he’s not working today, and you cancelled on him. Why would you do that, Lou?”

“I just wanted to spend some time with you.” He says, which isn’t entirely untrue. “I still feel really horribly about how I spoke to you the other night. I just want to be around you.”

“Don’t lie to me.” She says, almost in a whisper. He knows that she must be angry, but she really just sounds defeated. Louis’ never lied to Eleanor before, not for the past 8 years they’ve been together and not in the 10 years they knew each other before that, not over something as big as this. “You’re going to have to tell me the truth about whatever’s going on eventually, Lou. You can start right now.”

He has no idea how to even address this. He thought that this could be avoided for weeks and weeks before he’d even have to mention it, to Liam or Eleanor, or even admit it to himself. He doesn’t know how to say this without absolutely crushing her, and he’s absolutely terrified just thinking about it. It’s hard enough seeing her upset, and it will surely be even worse when he’s the cause.

He sits down at the edge of the bed, not getting too close to her in case it backfires, but reaching for her hand anyway. “I’ve just – I’ve fucked up, El.”

She raises her eyebrow at him. Not going to let him stop there, and give him a bit of feedback. Happy to just let him continue and let everything all out before she says anything.

He sighs and gives in, knowing he won’t get out of it. “Some stuff has been coming back up for me since I was at Liam’s the other day. I just needed some time away from him, you know, to get my head –”

Eleanor interrupts him with a chuckle, that chuckle she always does when she knows something that he doesn’t. “I’ll be all right, you know.” She says with a sigh. “I’ll be okay, Lou.”

“What are you on about?” Louis says.

“I’ll be all right, if you need to be with Liam.” She says, squeezing his hand in hers. “I get it.”

“But I’m yours. We’re each other’s.” He argues, grateful that she’s being so amazing about this but also not quite believing her—not having made his mind up himself yet, even.

“Love.” She says. “You were his long before you were ever mine. It’s not fair for me to keep you if you could be with him, if that’s what you need.”

“It’s just been so long since I was with him, ya know? It might be different now. He might not want me.”

“I think you know that you owe it to the both of you to find out, though, don’t you?” She says, looking so sincere and lovely and he’s so grateful for her.

“How long have you known?” He asks. He can’t believe that she’s known.

“Since we were eight.” She says. “He’s so special to you, Lou, it’s always been so obvious.”

“You’re special to me, too.” He says. She really is. He really doesn’t want to lose her—it would kill him. “You’re the most special to me, El. I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me, idiot.” She laughs. “You could lose Liam. If you’re sure you don’t want to be with him, then you go over there and you apologize and be a good friend because he’s suffering. If you want to be with him, then you go over there and you tell him, and I’ll be the best man at the wedding.”

“I want to be with you.” He does. Everything is so conflicted. Over the past 8 years, he’s loved every single second they’ve spent together. “I want to be with him, too. I don’t know what to do.”

“You go over there and you be with him.” She says, placing a kiss to his cheek and squeezing his hand. “I’ve had you for 8 years. I want you to be as happy as you can be, and if you don’t tell him, you’ll be wondering about what ifs for the rest of your life. I can’t live with that.”

“I need you to know that this doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” He assures her. It’s just circumstances. It’s different things. “I do love you.”

“I know you do.” She says, with a roll of her eyes. “Maybe if you’d known me since I was an infant, it would have been me you’ve spent your whole life pining after. I was 8 years too late, and that’s okay.”

“I pined after you, too.” He insists.

“You didn’t have to pine after me. You had me as soon as you asked for me.” She says, and she’s not wrong.

“Can I just have one last, uh –” He says, cutting himself off by placing a kiss to her mouth. God, he’ll miss that. He moves his hand to her chest and she giggles into his mouth, moving it away.

“Behave.” She says, placing another chaste kiss to his mouth. “Go get your boy. I’ll talk to you later.”

*

He doesn’t go to Liam’s once he’s left.  The idea to tell Liam how he feels sounds worse and worse and worse by the second. It’s been so long since he’s been with Liam that way and there’s no way of knowing that Liam still feels the same.

Louis thinks that if roles were reversed, and Liam was the one who’d broken his heart all those years ago, he wouldn’t still feel the same. He would have done everything in his power to get over him, to move on.

He hates himself for doing that to Liam. It was the worst decision he could have possibly made, hurting Liam like that. Liam didn’t deserve that or any of the completely awful things that Louis has put him through over the years.

He figures he owes it to himself to tell Liam, though, if anything. He owes it to Liam, too. He owes it to Liam to let him know that if there was ever any hurt, if there’s still any hurt lingering, it wasn’t all for nothing. He feels unbelievably self-centered that he even considers the thought that Liam might still be hurting, and he’s hoping that’s not the case.

Part of him hopes that Liam’s over him. Part of him really hopes that Liam hasn’t been pining, not like Louis has in the back of his mind for the past 8 years. The other part – a larger part – hopes that he has. He really wants to be with Liam properly, after all this time, it’s exactly what he needs.

He's circled Liam's block 12 times before pulling his car up to the curb.

*

When Liam opens his the door to his flat, his eyes are red as if he’s been crying. Louis really hopes that it’s because of Sophia, but he worries that it’s because of him. He pretty sure that it’s because of him.

“What are you doing here, Louis?” Liam says with a sniffle, wiping his eyes as if he can hide the fact that he’s been crying. “I know you don’t want to hang out with me, so you don’t have to pretend that you do.”

“I do, Li, I promise I want to spend time with you.” He says. It was hard enough with Eleanor, and she made it easy on him. He’s being put under so much pressure today. “I just needed some time to think.”

“Time to think about what?” Liam asks bitterly, and Louis really wishes Liam would invite him inside. He doesn’t want all of this to happen standing at the door of Liam’s flat.

“Can we sit down?” Louis asks, and Liam shrugs, moving to the side and letting Louis slide past him.

“What did you need time to think about?” Liam asks with a sigh, after they’ve been sitting on the sofa in silence, just staring at each other for far too long.

“Just – about everything.” Louis says. He wishes there were an easier way to do this, to get everything out in the open as quickly as possible without fucking everything up. “About us.”

“About us? What about us?” Liam asks, that cute little wrinkle in his brow he gets when he’s confused.

“Is Harry still here?” Louis asks, rather belatedly, figuring that it’s best that he’s not if he really is going to do what he’s about to do. When Liam shakes his head no, Louis takes both of Liam’s hands in his. This is the only way he knows how to tell him, without saying something stupid and ruining absolutely everything. “I need you to tell me if this isn’t okay.”

The moment their lips meet, Liam squeaks into Louis’ mouth and slings his arms around his shoulders. Louis instinctively moves his hands up to Liam’s cheeks, nipping a bit at his bottom lip then detaching, still so close they’re sharing breath.

“God.” Liam sighs, closing his eyes again and resting his forehead against Louis’. “God, Lou, I never thought I’d get to kiss you again.”

“Neither did I.” Louis says, placing little kisses all over Liam’s face. He’s so glad he’s finally able to do this properly. He’s finally allowed. “I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed being this close to you.”

“But what about Eleanor?” Liam asks, backing away from Louis quickly, and the relaxed look on his face has suddenly turned into a look of frantic worry. “Oh, God. Oh, no.”

“No, no, Liam.” Louis says, shaking his head franticly. He moves closer to Liam, and Liam backs away again. “We had a chat after you talked to her. She’s the one who convinced me to come here to do this.”

“She’s okay with it?” Liam asks, the most hopeful look on his face Louis’ ever seen. Louis just can’t get enough of the way his face lights up, the way his eyes brighten so beautifully. He’s so beautiful.

“She’s okay with it, Liam, I swear. She gets it.” He says, taking Liam’s hands back in his. “I’ve always regretted how much I hurt you and I just couldn’t keep doing it.”

“God, Louis.” Liam sighs, crawling into Louis’ lap and burying his face into Louis’ shoulder. “God, Louis, I can’t believe this.”

Louis can’t believe it either, really. After 8 years of keeping these feelings buried and they’ve all come rushing back, each and every one, as if they’d never gone. He moves to lie back on the couch, taking Liam with him, and it’s all he could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. The memory of that night 8 years ago still vivid in his mind.

“We’ll still have to talk about this, you know.” Louis says when Liam’s moved to suck kisses into the curve of Louis’ neck. “Not now, obviously, but some other time.”

“Yeah, definitely, another time.” Liam giggles into Louis’ neck, starting to grind his hips down.

“Hey, hey.” Louis says gently, lifting Liam’s head so they’re face-to-face, pressing a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Bed?”

Liam only nods, moving his mouth directly back to Louis’ neck. “Am I going to have to carry you?”

He gets another nod from that, and another good grind of the hips and oh, _God._ Liam goes so incredibly easy when he Louis picks him up, his legs wrapping immediately around Louis’ hips. He can’t help but think that this should be the other way ‘round, though. It’s not like when they were teenagers anymore, when Louis didn’t feel absolutely dwarfed by Liam. He’s all big, strong muscles now, has at least 3 inches on Louis but it feels like feet right now.

When he has Liam pinned under him on Liam’s bed, it seems that everything is back to the way that it’s meant to be. Liam seeming quite small underneath him, in a position they haven’t been in for 8 years and it feels so right and so perfect, and he can’t believe they haven’t been doing this all along. He doesn’t know what he was so scared of, because this isn’t scary, this is perfect. This is everything.

It’s only now that he’s noticed how absurd it is, yet so unbelievably predictable, that Liam is completely dressed though he’s not got anywhere to be today. A button-up flannel and jeans and Louis feels completely and embarrassingly underdressed, suddenly, in a pair of worn joggers and a t-shirt that’s been gathering holes since he first got it in his first year of uni.

All of the buttons on Liam’s shirt are annoying at the very least, infuriating more realistically, when all Louis wants to do is get Liam out of his clothes. Liam finally decides to give him a hand of help, since Louis is shaking so horribly and is completely useless and God, he’s never this nervous about sex but this is so new to him – old, technically, but it was never like this before.

After what feels like ages, the last button is finally unbuttoned and Louis is so unbelievably grateful. Grateful that Liam doesn’t have an undershirt on under his flannel, so already a vast improvement from high school. He’s seen Liam with his shirt off countless times, but not in this context since he was 17 years old, and god it’s so beautiful. He isn’t sure what’s more beautiful – the small, soft, and innocent Liam he had underneath him, and blushing up at him with a wide, bright smile 8 years ago or the broad, strong, toned Liam he has underneath him now, big enough that he could snap Louis without even really trying but so pliant and warm, gazing up at Louis like he’s the sun, the moon, and all the stars.

“You really are lovely.” Louis says, running his hands through Liam’s chest hair, just admiring the sight beneath him. “God, you’re lovely.”

“Are you going to do anything or are you going to stare at me all day?” Liam asks, and Louis’ glance moves to his face and sees the crinkly eyes that he loves so much, the tell-tale sign that Liam is really, really happy and it’s his favorite sight to see. “Not that I mind. I don’t mind.”

Louis doesn’t grant him an answer for that, decided that he’d better not keep Liam waiting. He doesn’t want to keep himself waiting any longer, either. Liam’s just so beautiful, so delightful to look at, but Louis needs to get his hands on him, needs to get his mouth on him, needs to get as much of himself on as much of Liam as he possibly can.

He shucks his own shirt off, then lowers his body onto Liam’s again, starting by sucking a bruise right onto the birthmark on Liam’s neck. 8 years of making up to do, of not having Liam’s warm and pliant body beneath his when he should have, and he wants to take his time. Wants to take the time to admire every inch of this beautiful boy and take him apart over and over and over again and never let him go, never let him get away again.

It’s when he’s nipping gently on a spot on Liam’s tummy right next to his bellybutton that he hears it. That wonderful drawn-out whine that escapes from Liam’s mouth, the one that he remembers so vividly from when he was 17 years old and found himself in this exact same position. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Liam says, in half a gasp and half a sigh and he loves that. Loves being the cause of that. “Could you just do something?”

“Mmm, suppose I could.” Louis says, but immediately goes back to the bruise he’s sucking onto Liam’s tummy that he’s going to be really proud of when it’s in full bloom, and he’ll get to admire it through all the stages. Through the dark purple, then the light blue, then the yellow and eventual disappearance, and he’ll start a whole new one. “Or I could keep this up, torment you a bit longer.”

“Please, Lou.” Liam lets out through a whine, squirming and bucking his hips and Louis’ not even touched him. Louis is amazed that that’s all it takes to get him to give in. He’s not usually much of a pushover, but with Liam, all he really wants to do is make him feel good. Make him happy and keep that smile on his face as long as he possibly can, keep him sighing and gasping and squirming.

As soon as his hand moves to the button of Liam’s jeans, he hears Liam’s sharp intake of breath and he’d forgotten how sensitive Liam was. This is going to be fun. He’s got Liam’s jeans thrown into a far-off corner of the bedroom, and his pants along with them, his main goal is finally in sight. “Just as beautiful as I remember.”

“I was a child the last time you saw it.” Liam says with a giggle, still giggling even as Louis sucks the head of Liam’s cock into his mouth. He tries not to be offended. “Pervert.”

“Don’t you know you’re supposed to be nice to the person who’s got your dick in their mouth?” Louis asks, removing his mouth in favor of jerking Liam off and that’s nice, too. Liam’s cock a warm, solid weight in his hand. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been thinking about this?”

“Dunno.” Liam gasps, bucking his hips desperately into Louis’ grasp and he didn’t figure Liam would be so easy for him but it’s great, really. “How long?”

“About 2 days, actively, but seeing you now it feels odd that it hasn’t been longer.” Louis says, jerking Louis faster, tightening his grip a bit and getting the whine from Liam that he was hoping for. “Do you have any idea how lovely you are? You’re so lovely.”

“Shut up, Louis.” Liam grits through his teeth. “Just get me off. God.”

Louis’ one for a bit of teasing, but he doesn’t want to torment the poor boy. Once Louis gets his mouth back on him, it’s only a few more moments before Liam’s coming down his throat. He doesn’t get much of a warning beyond a painful grip on his hair, surely going to hurt for at least hours to come, but he finds himself not caring much.

“Don’t reckon you have any lube, do you?” Louis asks when he pulls off.

“Yeah, I’ve got some.” Liam says, still breathing really heavily, arm still slung over his eyes.

“Sophia’s a naughty one, is she?” Louis jokes, but when Liam pulls his arm off from his face and narrows his eyes at him, he’s having some regrets about it. Not a good joke, then.

“We don’t have to talk about her now.” Liam says. “Or at all. Ever.”

“Okay.” Louis says. He could have figured Liam would say that. He should have. “So I was thinking that once you’ve cooled down, you can fuck me, yeah?”

“Mmm, could do.” Liam says, eyes brightening and a smirk appearing on his face. “In a second.”

“I want you so bad, Liam.” Louis says, lowering himself over Liam and sucking another mark into Liam’s neck. He’d cover Liam entire body in marks if he could, if he had the time. He rubs his thigh roughly against Liam’s cock and he gets a gasp and Liam flipping them over in turn. Exactly what he was hoping for. “That’s better.”

“I told you to give me a _second_ , Louis.” Liam bites out, but he’s begun sucking roughly on Louis’ neck and that’s exactly what he wanted in the first place, anyway. “Where is your common courtesy?”

“You can at least finger me while I wait for you, can’t you?” Louis says. “There’s no refractory period for fingers. Your fingers are perfectly fine, aren’t they?”

“You’re a rotten brat, you know that?” Liam asks, and Louis just nods. He’s heard it countless times throughout the course of his life and he can say that he agrees. He’s a bit glad that he is, because it’s always been useful in getting him exactly what he wants. It’s proven when Liam pulls the lube out of his nightstand drawer and slides one long, slick finger into his arse.

God, he hasn’t had this in quite some time. He’d tried this with Eleanor a time or two years ago, and while her fingers are long, they’re also slender and nothing compared to the length and thickness of Liam’s. The feeling of being stretched so much already, paired with Liam’s lips sucking and nipping on his chest, makes him feel like he’s on fire from inside out.

He finds out soon enough that Liam is unbelievably thorough. It’s so incredibly slow and it’s nearing torturous by the time Liam has three fingers in him and has littered his torso with bright red bruises but it’s so, so good. In his entire life, he’s never felt this amazing and looked after so well before.

“Can you get your cock in me anytime soon?” Louis says, it’s mostly a gasp and ends in a bit of a groan. With the way things are going, he’s going to come before he even has Liam inside of him and he doesn’t know that he wants that. “I’m going to come soon if you don’t.”

“Go ahead.” Liam says, still stroking his three fingers so gently into Louis, placing little kisses all over his cock and this boy knows _exactly_ what he’s doing. Louis thought that he was an expert of torment but it turns out he’s an amateur compared to Liam. “Have you nice and relaxed for me, then I’ll fuck you.”

“And I’m the rotten brat?” Louis gasps, but instead of a reply, Liam sucks the head of his dick into his mouth and oh, _God_. Maybe that’s why they work so well, because they’re both terrible rotten brats. Louis comes in a second, everything feeling too perfect for him to not. So much for waiting for Liam to get inside of him.

Liam pulls off with a mischievous smirk and Louis honest to god had no idea it was possible for him to be so gone for someone and still just _hate_ it. “That better?”

He hates to have to admit it, but it really is so much better. Liam’s pulling his fingers out, which leaves Louis whining at the loss, but it’s barely anytime at all before Liam’s sliding on a condom and sinking in and that’s—well, that’s perfect.

“ _Oh_.” Louis gasps, just as Liam bottoms out inside him, his legs moving instinctively to wrap around Liam’s waist. He’s got Liam hovering over him, their faces so close together that he can feel the heat of Liam’s breath burning fire on his lips and his eyes have to cross to focus on Liam’s features. He’s never felt good to feel this small before. He never imagined that having Liam on top of him and inside of him and all around him would feel so good, so absolutely incredible.

“You look so good like this.” Liam says, bracing his arms on either side of Louis head as leverage to start rocking his hips. Slow and hard and so, so thorough just as always is with Liam. “You’re perfect.”

“Oh.” Louis gasps again, suddenly forgetting his entire vocabulary because he feels so good. Feels too perfect. Feels like he’s been waiting all his life to finally have this. His cock seems to have forgotten it needs about 15 minutes, as it’s already fattened up and standing at attention. Probably because being with Liam makes him feel like he’s still 17 years old, when he could come back to back to back like it was nothing. “Oh, God, Liam.”

“I never thought I’d get to have this.” Liam groans, snapping his hips harder, if that were even possible, and a faster. Fast enough and hard enough that Louis’ breath is getting knocked out of him with each snap forward and he’s fighting to catch his breath, to slow his breathing enough that his lungs don’t collapse on him. “I didn’t think I’d ever actually get you like this again.”

“I’m so sorry.” Louis moans, but Liam bites at his neck and shushes him so he figures that apologies aren’t really necessary. At least not right now, not when Liam’s fucking him so thoroughly and so well. “Fuck, Liam, you feel so good.”

“No apologies.” Liam says, grunting, snapping his lips hard at just the perfect angle, making Louis feel so good that he might die. “Maybe after I make you fall apart on my cock a few more times.”

“Make me come, then, so I can start making it up to you.” Louis says. He moves his hand to his cock and Liam slaps it away, but doesn’t replace it with his own like he was expecting, instead pinning it above Louis’ head and doing the same with his other hand. What is this kid playing at?

“I never would have imagined you’d be this easy for me.” Liam smirks, slowing his hips to a pace that’s almost torturously slow. Louis honestly wants to strangle him to death, because if he doesn’t come right now. “I figured I’d have to fight you every step of the way.”

“Plenty of time for me to fight you later.” Louis says, as he’s struggling and failing to get his wrists out from Liam’s grasp, and he realizes quickly that he really loves that struggle. “But I’ll kick your ass if you don’t make me come.”

Liam just tilts his head, narrowing his eyes at Louis, his pace much less slow and torturous, still hitting Louis’ prostate with every forward thrust of his hips. He doesn’t look like he’ll be giving in that easily, which causes Louis to let out a pained whine. It’s so bloody perfect, the most perfect thing he’s ever felt, but he doesn’t know how much longer he can take it.

“Please.” He whines. He needs to come at some point before he turns 26, and he doesn’t know how much more he can take of this. “God, Liam, please.”

Liam still doesn’t give in, not the Mr. Make Everyone Happy that Louis’ so used to. He’s not used to it, but he can’t really say he hates it. He’s never not had the upper-hand before and it makes him feel so good, so different, so taken care of even though Liam isn’t giving him what he wants.

Just a few more thrusts, Louis’ hands still pinned above his head, and he’s completely shocked when he comes with a drawn-out whine, Liam smirking down at him because he must have known exactly what he was doing. “There you go.” Liam says, not slowing his pace at all, not giving Louis even a moment’s rest. “I knew you could do it.”

“You’re an absolute fucking menace.” Louis says, feeling sore down to his bones but needing to get Liam to the edge, needing to feel it. “Are you gonna come?”

All Liam manages is a moan, letting Louis’ wrists go and nearly collapsing on top of him, gasping wetly into his neck. After a couple more thrusts, he feels Liam spilling into the condom and he feels like it’s all he’s ever wanted for his entire life.

When Liam pulls out, he tosses the condom in the vague directly of the bin. It’s certainly something that he’d expect from himself but not so much from Liam. He’s learning a lot today.

Liam does, although, get up to grab a flannel from the en suite to clean Louis’ belly off before collapsing next to Louis on the bed. “Well.” Liam sighs. “That was good.”

“Could you be any more of a cliché?” Louis laughs. “You really can’t think of anything else to say after sex than ‘that was good’?”

“Shut up.” Liam scoffs, turning his head away from Louis in embarrassment. Much softer as if he’s feeling nervous, moments later Liam asks, “Was it not good for you?”

“Oh, Liam, no.” Louis insists, moving to crawl over Liam’s body, straddling his lap and placing soft kisses all along his clavicle because he really, really can’t afford to have Liam thinking that his performance was anything less than satisfactory. It was really, truly, very satisfactory. “It was very good for me. It was amazing. The best, even. Best I’ve ever had.”

“I thought so.” Liam laughs, biting gentle kisses to Louis’ bottom lip. “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“I’ll never stop telling you. I’ll be telling you every day how wonderful, and beautiful, and sweet, and sexy you are, and how I want you all the time. For the rest of your life.” Louis promises, punctuating each word with a nips to Liam’s jaw.

“You’ll be telling me how sexy I am when I’m 90?” Liam laughs.

“Oh, yeah.” Louis says, a bit sarcastically but also a bit not. The thought of being with Liam when they’re both crotchety old men makes his heart do cartwheels in his chest. “Bet you’ll still be ripped.”

“I bet you’ll still be a rotten little brat.” Liam says. “I fear for the day that someone gives you a cane.”

“Oh, love, don’t worry. I’ll only beat you with it if you misbehave.”

“When have I ever misbehaved?” Liam asks in a tone that sounds a bit offended. He rolls Louis off of him and now _he’s_ the one who’s offended. A gentle roll but there’s too much space between them, now.

He reaches for Liam’s hand, then giggles. “When you were 6 and peed in my bed.”

“Why can’t you ever forget anything, you prick.” Liam sighs. “Are you sleepy? I’m sleepy.”

“I could probably use a bit of a kip.” Louis says, gazing over at Liam and smiling at the sight before him. He’s so beautiful, from every angle. Always has been but it’s much more apparent now. It’s appalling.

“All right.” Liam says, then moving to wrap his body around Louis’. And that’s great, being surrounded by Liam, Liam’s hands firm and warm on his tummy and – still feels backwards.

“Nuh-uh.” Louis says, turning around in Liam’s grasp. “Turn around. I’m not giving you big spoon.”

“Might prefer this.” Liam says, kissing the tip of Louis’ nose and tightening his hold.

“Just let me spoon you.” Louis says petulantly. He just wants to take care of his boy.

“Why don’t you want to look at me?” Liam pouts. They won’t be looking at each other anyway once they’re asleep, but he’s not going to mention it. “Am I really that ugly?”

“Go to sleep, you monster.” Louis says, figuring that it’s not worth the argument, especially when his eyelids are getting more and more uncomfortably heavy by the second. He tightens his grip on Liam and Liam smiles wide and bright, eyes crinkling at the edges and tongue pressed to the backs of his teeth. He’s completely delightful, the sweetest and most beautiful boy Louis has ever met. He presses one last kiss to Liam’s mouth before letting his eyes fall shut, drifting off to sleep with wonderful thoughts of falling asleep exactly like this every single day for a really long time.

*

When Louis blinks awake, it’s half six and Liam’s puffing out little breaths on his face, eyelashes fanning across his cheeks. He wants to stay here forever, just gazing at him, but he’s feeling a bit hungry.

He pries Liam’s eyes open to wake him up, same as he used to do with his mum when he was a toddler. Liam flinches before sitting up and slapping Louis’ hands away, giggling in that lovely way that he does that makes Louis all warm inside. “Why are you trying to blind me?”

“I’m not trying to blind you.” Louis says, grabbing Liam by the wrists when Liam still hasn’t stopped slapping him. He just wants to spend some time with Liam. He was to spend all of his time with Liam. “I was thinking of calling my mum to, you know, tell her about some things. I want you to sit with me.”

“What things?” Liam smirks.

“Some things that I should have told her years ago.” Louis says, moving his hands from Liam’s wrists to link their fingers together. “We can call your mum, too. If you want to. If you’re ready.”

Liam’s brow furrows, then he rolls his eyes. “I’m already out, to like everyone.”

This is an absolute outrage. How did he not know that everyone knows? “When did this happen?”

“Like 5 years ago.” Liam says, and he sounds exasperated. “Don’t you remember Douglas?”

“I have never met anyone named Douglas. Who’s named Douglas?” Louis jokes. “Was he 80 years old?”

“He was 24, and I went out him for a year, just before Soph. I know you remember him.” Liam says. It was the first mention of Sophia for days and he had nearly forgotten that she’s what brought all this up in the first place. “Anyway, call your mum. Tell her how wildly in love with me you are.”

Of course Louis remembers. He’s tried to block it all out but has never been able to get it out of his head, the way that this prick treated Liam so unbelievably awful, the way that he took advantage of how young and innocent and impressionable he was. He remembers that he was itching to tell Liam how he felt, because he knew that he could be the one to treat Liam right. He was itching to tell everyone. He was so unbelievably stupid then. “I should have told you back then how much I love you.”

Liam’s smiling, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Louis doesn’t like it one bit. “You told me now and that’s what’s important.” Liam says, squeezing Louis’ hands in his. “Let’s call your mum now.”

*

His mum takes it amazingly well, not nearly as surprised as he’d thought she’d be. He doesn’t know what he was hoping for, but it’s probably a bit like what he’s gotten. It’s strange.

“How did El take it?” His mum asks, her first words after his _I’m bisexual, mum. I’m with Liam now._

“She took it well. She’s the one who told me to do it, actually.” He says, still in shock that _that_ was the first question his mum thought to ask. “It was confusing, because I love her and all, but it all worked out.”

“As long as you’re happy, sweetie, then I’m happy.” She says. He feels like he’s dreaming. “I always did hope that one day you’d end up with Liam. You always did like him differently.”

He can’t believe this – his mum has known all this time that he’s in love with Liam, while all this time it hasn’t been at the front of his mind. He can’t believe that he was the last one to catch on.

“Do me a favor and tell everyone, will you?” He asks her. He’s got so much family that he just hasn’t got the time, or at least the patience. “Just anyone who’s important. I’ve got to go now, though, mum.”

“All right, baby, tell Liam I say hello.” She says. “I love you, sweetie.”

“Love you too, mum.” He says before hanging up. When he looks over at Liam, he’s got that massive smile on his face and it feels a bit like Louis’ staring into the sun, but it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t make him want to close his eyes. He’s so happy he’s done this and he can’t believe it’s taken so long.

Liam moves closer so he’s nearly in Louis’ lap, wrapping his arms around Louis’ middle and resting his head on Louis’ shoulder. “Are you feeling better now?” Liam asks, gazing up at him.

“Yeah, babe, I’m feeling much better.” Louis says, kissing the top of Liam’s head and running fingers through his hair. Louis finds himself smiling so big because he’s got so much adoration for this kid. Liam is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him, he can’t believe he almost lost this. “Are you hungry?”

“A bit. Don’t think I’ve got food, though.” Liam says, and Louis can nearly hear him pouting.

“Perfect, thought we could order in some Chinese.” Louis says. “One of everything?”

“Yeah, perfect.” Liam says.

*

They’re halfway through their ridiculous pile of food and an episode of Friends, Louis feeling himself bloating, when Liam coughs to break through the silence.

“I want to ask you something.” Liam says, sounding more vulnerable than Louis is used to. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I just kind of want to know.”

“Liam, you’re being silly.” Louis says. He thought that he’d taught Liam better than to feel nervous about talking to him, but he supposes he doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to being supportive. “You can ask me anything, you know that.”

“I was wondering, if you had lost me.” Liam says, and he’s so hesitant. He sounds so nervous. “I mean, if when you’d started dating Eleanor, I’d just stopped being your friend, would you have fought for me?”

Louis absolutely hates that he hadn’t thought about that, all those years ago when he’d gotten so scared that he chose Eleanor over telling everyone the truth. He hates that he hadn’t thought of the consequences and that Liam may have decided he didn’t want to be Louis’ friend anymore, that he didn’t want to be around. If the situation had been reversed, Louis is certain that that’s what he would have done. He’s certain that if Liam had been the one choosing someone else, he wouldn’t be able to handle it, wouldn’t be able to be around that. Liam is so strong and so great and so much more amazing than Louis ever was.

“I don’t know.” Louis replies. “I was so stupid back then, Liam, I didn’t make good judgement calls.”

“I thought about it for a bit.” Liam says, he’s speaking so softly that Louis really, really has to listen closely. “It was so hard seeing you with Eleanor, but I was so happy for you two, you know? You guys are my best mates, and I wanted you to be happy.”

“But you weren’t happy.” Louis guesses.

“I wasn’t. Not really.” Liam says with a shake of his head. “But I wanted you to be happy, and I wanted her to be happy, even if I wasn’t happy. It was so hard, though. I thought it would never get better.”

“I hate that I put you through that. I promise I never meant to.” Louis says, and he really hadn’t meant to. Every choice that he made was never about hurting Liam or making him unhappy, but he probably should have thought more about protecting Liam than protecting himself. Liam’s so strong, but he’s also so terribly sensitive. “Everything was just so confusing and I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Liam says. Louis can see that there are tears rimming his eyes and Louis really hates this. He hates this mostly because he caused this. “I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.”

“You shouldn’t have had to.” Louis says and he’s pulling Liam into his embrace again. He can’t stand that Liam’s upset again, even after he thought this was solved. “Nothing was your fault. It was all me, okay?”

“I don’t know why I even brought this up.” Liam says, pulling himself away from Louis’ hug and wiping harshly at his tears with the backs of his hands. “I didn’t need to bring this up, I’m so stupid.”

“No, Liam, you’re not.” Louis tries his hardest to assure him, placing his hands on either side of Liam’s face and wiping away tears with his thumbs. “You’re so amazing. You’re so great.”

“Everything is so good, Lou. I didn’t need to bring it up.” Liam says. “I’ve just ruined everything. We’re supposed to be happy and I just had to bring this up for no reason. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, look at me.” Louis says, a finger under Liam’s chin to bring them back to eye level. He places a quick kiss to the tip of Liam’s nose, can’t stop himself. “If it’s important to you then it could never be stupid. Not in a million years.”

He doesn’t necessarily like that they’re talking about this, either. He doesn’t like that he’s having to go back to think about how awful he was. He wishes the whole _‘the past is in the past’_ applied better to this situation, but he supposes you probably need to talk about the past in order to properly put it behind you.

“Why am I crying? I’m so stupid.” Liam says, but he’s smiling now. He’s all teary-eyed but he’s smiling. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not stupid.” Louis tells him. “It’s been a long few days for you, babe. It’s okay.”

“Yeah.” Liam sighs. He’s tucking himself back into Louis’ side. “Have you talked to Eleanor at all?”

“No, not yet.” Louis says. “Reckon I should give her a call.”

“Call her now, thank her for me.” Liam says, smiling up at him, then giggling when he adds, “And make sure you tell her she’s welcome to join us anytime.”

“And by join us, you mean – for dinner.” Louis smirks. Liam is clearly feeling better.

“Dinner, sex, whatever.” Liam says. Truly a monster.

“You’re not having sex with Eleanor.” Liam replies, positively appalled.

“Why not? You got to.”

“We will discuss this later.” Louis says, flicking Liam on the forehead, then dialing Eleanor’s phone.

“Hiya, darling.” Eleanor says when she’s answered. “Did everything go as planned?”

“Yeah, love, everything went perfectly.” Louis tells her. “Liam wants me to tell you that you’re welcome to join us anytime.”

“May take you up on that.” She contemplates. “Reckon he’s a good shag. Is he a good shag?”

Louis is dealing with children. Overgrown, disgusting children and he’s completely and disgustingly in love with both of them. “I’m not going to humor you with an answer to that.”

“It’s a simple question.” She replies with an indignant tone that he’s definitely not a fan of.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Louis says, ready to change the subject. He’s not talking about this with these two. “Thank you for your genius, and all. I’ll probably see you tomorrow to discuss particulars, and things.”

He hadn’t even thought about all those things until this moment, dividing their belongings and all that. It’s like they’re going through a bloody divorce, that’s what 8 years together does.

“This isn’t a divorce, Lou. Don’t say discuss, and don’t call them particulars.” Eleanor says. “Come ‘round tomorrow and we’ll hang out. Bring Liam with you.”

“What for? So you two can ambush me with talks of a threesome?” Louis asks, Liam snickers.

“Goodbye, Louis. Say goodbye to Liam for me.” Eleanor says. “I love you. See you both tomorrow.”

“Bye.” Louis sighs. “You’re the worst.”

*

“I reckon Eleanor might want me to move out.” Louis says when they’re in bed later, Liam pressed up against his back with his arms tight around Louis’ midsection. He’s given up pretty quickly on the idea of fighting Liam for big spoon. He feels really great here, tucked so comfortably in Liam’s embrace.

He feels so safe, feels like it should have been this way all along.

“Hmm, guess I could make up the couch for you until you sort yourself out.” Liam says, placing kisses all along Louis’ neck. It’s nice. This is so, so nice.

“You could suck my dick, you prick.” Louis jokes and Liam giggles. It’s the most wonderful sound.

“Could do.” Liam says, practically a sigh into Louis’ ear as he tightens his arms around Louis. Louis can hear the sleep creeping up on Liam, and he can feel it creeping up on himself. “I’m really happy, Lou.”

“I’m really happy, too.” Louis says. He can’t remember the last time he felt this happy. He doesn’t think there’s been a time before in his life that he’s felt this happy. “I’m sorry it took so long to get here.”

“I love you.” Liam says, and this time Louis’ the one who lets himself drift off to sleep without providing a reply. He just links his fingers through Liam’s where his arms are wrapped tightly and comfortably around Louis’ torso. He relaxes into Liam’s embrace and sighs before letting his eyes flutter closed. He knows that Liam takes it as the _I love you too_ that was intended.


End file.
